It is the countdown, tick, tick, tick. The final 24 hours before I go in for my Cardioversion. In the rational side of the brain I know it is a simple procedure, they do it all the time. I know there is only a slim chance that anything will go wrong. The rational side of my brain is only part of the equation. It is the irrational, emotional side that won’t stop thinking about all the “what if’s”
I have never been put to sleep before. I have talked to people that have resistance to anesthesia, and others that have trouble waking up. I don’t know how I will react to it. On the other hand there is the actual procedure. Will it even work? The cardiologist said that, with an EF of 35%, I am right on the edge of the guidelines to even try and convert. There is a chance it won’t work. There is also a chance it will only work for a short time and then we will have to do it again.
In January, when I went in for my angiogram, I talked to a woman who was there for a pacemaker. She had had cardioversion done 23 times in 7 years. This tells me logically that it is a common procedure, and also that it may have to be done every few months.
There is that nervous part of me that wonders if I should take the time to write down instructions and wishes, just in case something goes wrong? Should I make sure to call all the important people just to say I love you? Is it irrational to think of these things?
I really want it to work. I want to get some sense of normal back in my life. I want to go out and walk the dog. I want to play at the river. I want to go shopping in the French Quarter. All these things I can’t do now because I get so tired so fast and my vision fails me.
Please just let me go back to being a 33 year old woman with her whole life ahead of her. If this is some thing that I have to do over and over every few months, at least it should be easier after this first time, when I already know what to expect.